The Tyranny of the Memory of Guilt

“I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy … that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. 1 Timothy 1:13-15

In October 2003, The Washington Post carried an article on North Korea, subtitled, “Haunted by Guilt over Loved Ones Left Behind.” It profiled a couple of defectors who had run away leaving their families behind to save their lives from an oppressive government, and their unrelenting memory of guilt on leaving behind friends and family who were suffering. The article ended with a quote from one such defector, “I don’t think you can be happy when you feel guilty.”1

While I cannot interpret the action, or comment on the psychological implications of such a feeling, it is a universal experience – the tyrannical collusion of memory with conscience, indicting the heart of past guilt, and casting a shadow over the present. The joy of the present is mingled with the pain of the past. The actions of the past have blemished the conscience and taken residence in memory.

Paul lived with such a blemish, but the secret to his powerful life was that he had found that which defanged the memory of its venomous power – he had learned to live in the shadow of the Cross.

Writing to Timothy, he says, “I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, an insolent man but I obtained mercy.” The memory of the angelic face of Stephen as he was stoned, the people who had become objects of hate because of his zeal, the scorning of Christ as he sat with the Sanhedrin rose its head to accuse him, but he looked to the Cross of Christ and it was robbed of its power. It was a past scar, not a present wound.

It is not a simple magically waving of a wand to wave away any responsibility for past actions, Paul is fully cognizant of the struggle of his present nature. He is fully aware of his current weaknesses. He starts, “I was formerly a blasphemer” – past tense, but he ends, “I am” the chief of sinners – present tense. The past guilt of sin, and the present power of sin, and the Cross can take care of both! Paul learned to bring both the past action, and the present nature under the shadow of the Cross, and the result is his life being of service to God. He concludes, “for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life”

May I suggest that the only way to unshackle yourself from the guilt of the past, and the struggle of the present, and be of authentic service to God is by living under the shadow of the Cross. Friend, is there is a past guilt that haunts you, or a present weakness that assails you? Then bring it to the Cross, for there and only there will you obtain mercy. It is only there where our sin is requited, the sting of guilt removed, and the power of sin subdued.

Danesh Manik

References
1. Opening a Window on North Korea’s Horrors, Doug Struck, Washington Post Foreign service, October 4, 2003